Bride-Mother-in-law Conflict Affects Marriage Satisfaction Negatively Alas, my mother-in-law is coming!

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Psychologist Ebru Özer Özkul said that the conflict between the bride and mother-in-law negatively affects marital satisfaction, and that this problem sometimes even leads to divorce. Özkul made suggestions to married couples and their families to establish healthy communication.
The mutual prejudice of the bride and mother-in-law also brings conflicts. There are serious problems not only in Turkish society but also in the relations between the bride-mother-in-law. This situation affects marriages negatively.
Psychologist Ebru Özer Özkul said that family-related relationship problems are very common in marriages. Noting that bride-mother-in-law conflicts are the most common, Özkul said, “The rivalry between the bride and mother-in-law turns into a power struggle. There is pressure on the man to give power to whom. If the communication cannot be corrected, if the balance cannot be established, the spouses move away from each other. Either the marriage is going towards divorce, or they are continuing the marriage like two strangers in the same house so that the house will not be destroyed and the system will continue.”
Ebru Özer Özkul noted that the negative experiences of brides with their mother-in-law in older generations created a prejudice against mother-in-law in the new generation, and said that this had an effect on negative communication.
Ebru Özer Özkul warned that families should not be involved in marriages and interfere in their internal affairs as much as possible and stated that couples have difficulties in solving such problems because there is a conflict not caused by themselves but by what others do.
Psychologist Ebru Özer Özkul said:
If the mother-in-law is happy in her marriage, her communication with the bride is better
If the mother-in-law is happy in her own marriage, if her own wife can establish a trusting relationship with her mother and mother-in-law, she does not bother with the child much. If he is happy in his own life, in his own marriage, in his own job, in his own private, in his own business world, he does not interfere with his child's family life. He looks at his own marital satisfaction. If he is not happy in his marriage, if his marital satisfaction is troubled and if he attributes all his happiness to the child, he transfers all his dreams and transfers to the child. Then it can become more intrusive and more invasive in the family life of the child. He has dominion over the child. There is a concept of life aimed at guiding him.
Invading Behaviors Should Be Avoided
Even if the mother-in-law is a guest in her son's house and wants to help with good intentions, she sometimes unwittingly interferes with everything that is not her duty. She can interfere with what the child eats, drinks and wears. She can try to impose her own truth on her daughter-in-law, saying, 'This did not exist in our time, we used to do it like this'. There are even those who want to relocate the furniture. These are very invasive behaviors. Such attitudes should be avoided.
What I want to say to the mother-in-laws; Especially if your bride has given birth to her first baby, you should avoid behaviors that will make her feel inadequate and stressed. The mother may already feel inadequate, especially with the first baby. In her mind, 'Will I be a good mother? Will I have enough milk? Will I be able to raise this child? Will I be able to establish a good family environment? There are such questions. There are a lot of worries that are triggered by hormones as well. You trigger those concerns when you make statements such as "The child cannot be held like that, not breastfed like that, that child is not satisfied". This is something that creates stress. Already in a period of depression. It looks like you dropped a bomb on your son's family. The baby needs the time that the mother lies in her bosom, the touch of the mother, the pleasure of the time spent with her. If you provide that system and relieve the mother from the workload, you will be of the greatest assistance to the mother and the baby. You need to help by taking care of the happiness of the mother and the baby, not in an invading way by criticizing and foaming.
Open Communication Must Be Established
In our society, the use of metaphors is too much, implicit references, slurs.' Daughter, I'm telling you, my bride, you understand'. It is necessary to stay away from the use of metaphors in the bride-mother-in-law communication. Whatever you want to say, it is best to say it in the appropriate tone and style. You need to clearly explain what you want to convey and talk about your own feelings. Of course, you should also care about the feelings of the other person and be able to empathize.
Men Must Maintain Balance
There can be arguments between spouses with discourses such as 'your mother did this', 'your father said that', etc. If the man defends his family by saying: 'He didn't mean it like that, he said it out of good faith', he puts the relationship in a tight spot even more. It is important to choose a clearer, clearer communication and to be able to stand in the middle without taking sides. It is necessary to motivate the parties to that open communication. communication skills